After all that looking, mining for truth and gold . . . we are at last ready to speak!
You guessed it, at least half of the exercise has to do with you, understanding the nature of what’s really got you upset, what you need, and what you want to communicate.
Maybe it’s already sorted itself out and, like *poof*, you don’t even need to say anything to anyone. Dandy!
If there’s something that needs to be given voice, lead with your heart – the way you’d want to hear that same message.
If the person’s apologized, acknowledge that. In the example with my friend, she did apologize and I told her I knew she didn’t want to hurt my feelings and was sorry she had. After having spent a few days thinking about what was really bothering me, I was able to tell her that I didn’t want deception in our friendship … that I’d rather us be able to have an uncomfortable conversation up front, than twisting ourselves into a pretzel and then having to deal with hurt feelings on top of it!
That ended up giving our friendship permission to have those uncomfortable conversations and to at least make them safe for each other, knowing our friendship could withstand it.
I came away from the conversation proud of how I’d handled it, glad I had honored my feelings in a way that got me heard without tantrums or sharp words, and I know we both feel our friendship expanded.
Aw, go on – give it a whirl!