On the Fourth Day . . . my true love gave to me Four Calling Birds.
What the heck has that got to do with a forgiveness challenge?
You may have noticed that the first three days were all about YOU — well, at least they were inward. You’re clear you want to forgive, you’ve identified what’s at the root of your upset and you recognize that we all screw up.
NOW you can think about communicating – the when, why and how of it. I hope you’ve resisted the urge to go off half-cocked and fire off an email or are sitting there festering. If you’ve succumbed to lure of the SEND button, you’ve fast-tracked Day 3 and learned we all mess up.
If you’re festering, see if you’re getting something out of it. I’m willing to bet there’s a pay-off lurking, so have a cup of egg nog and let’s have a little chat. You see, I realized an ugly little truth about myself when I’m festering or sulking: I want attention. I want to talk about my upset, get folks to agree I was wronged, and have someone give me a “poor you” pat on the head and kiss my boo-boo.
It makes sense, doesn’t it? Kissing the proverbial boo-boo is really a simple, tender acknowledgement of the hurt. When my feelings have been hurt and haven’t addressed, the need to have those feelings acknowledged persists. Yes, the person who hurt my feelings my have apologized in an email, but I still need her to understand what it is that upset me.
Because I want to do that in a way that honors our friendship without punishing, I’m going to sit with it another day and see if I can put my feelings into productive
words that deepen our friendship and our understanding of each other.
I’d love to hear what’s opening up for you ~